Why Your Anxiety Gets Worse at Night (And How to Calm Your Mind Before Bed)

I have a close friend who often refers to bedtime as “dread time”.  In the nearly 30 years we have known one another, her relationship with sleep has been complex, inconsistent, and disappointing, and it has weighed on her mental and physical health.  Sleep disruptions and insomnia are some of the most common conditions that I work with in my practice. Regardless of a client’s age, sleep problems can be chronic and debilitating.  Outside of obtaining medical treatment for underlying issues, treating insomnia and sleep difficulties mostly centers on lifestyle changes, stress management, and reshaping habits around sleep to disrupt the feedback loop between insomnia and anxiety.   Sleep is a complex process, and protecting it often begins hours before we are even feeling tired or thinking about “dread time”. 

Circadian Rhythms are real, and they dictate our days. Our bodies are designed to release a complex series of hormones over a 24-hour cycle, and exposure to sunlight and darkness impacts the production of these hormones.  When I work with people who have long-term, chronic anxiety, one of the first areas I explore is their daily routine and habits.  It is not uncommon for my clients with chronic anxiety to go from their home to their car to a parking garage to their workplace, only to reverse the process at the end of the workday.  Those who work from home often stay confined inside from the time they wake up to the time they go to bed.  Due to a dislike of traffic and discomfort in public places, people with anxiety may also be more likely to run errands later at night or order food delivery.  All of these behaviors limit exposure to sunlight, which is vital to our circadian rhythms.  If our brain stops experiencing the contrast between night and day, then it does not know when it needs to start making melatonin, the hormone that triggers sleep.

Getting exposure to sunlight during the day is one of the first steps to take.  If you work from home, open your blinds and drapes and rely on natural light as much as possible.  If you work in an office, try to get outside whenever possible on breaks or during lunch.  All of us could benefit from walking outside for up to 30 minutes every day or just sitting somewhere where we get some light exposure.  This helps our Circadian Rhythms to reset and work properly.

Anxiety really is higher at the end of the day. Many of my clients report a feeling of agitation and discomfort starting around dinner time. This is a very real phenomenon that confuses some people.  The workday is over, they are in a “safe space”, and they have the comfort of their family or pets around them, so heightened anxiety seems contradictory and irrational.  As I often tell them, anxiety is irrational.  As we move through our day, our mind and body absorb a lot of stimulation, stress, and inconvenience, all of which accumulate in our nervous system, which can exacerbate our normal levels of anxiety.  We are also gearing up for the next day as the current one is ending, which can lead to racing thoughts about the laundry that didn’t get folded, the lunch that needs to be packed, and the emails that didn’t get read, and all of these tasks now need to be done tomorrow.  It can feel very defeating. 

Getting today’s task list cleared can provide the benefit of calming this cycle.  As the day is winding down, get the lingering obligations off your to-do list so they can be quickly.  Most of us can pack a lunch, fold a load of laundry, empty a dishwasher, or sign a permission slip in just a few minutes.  If it can be done before bedtime in under 10 minutes, then tackle it.  If not, then move it to the next day.  Drafting a to-do list for tomorrow can relieve you of the mental burden of constructing one in your head as you are trying to relax and enjoy your shower before bedtime.  If you can’t accomplish a task before bedtime, it can also be helpful to come up with an alternative plan. Just accept that you will be buying something to eat the next day instead of packing your lunch, or ask your partner to return a phone call about getting the HV/AC system serviced if you can’t do it.  Just try to reduce that feeling of being overburdened as much as possible before you start to prepare for bed. 

Cramming in the “life” part of work-life balance at night can feel overwhelming.  Trying to fit the “healthy” habits that sustain physical, mental, and emotional well-being into the scant hours before bed can be exhausting and work against our efforts to reduce anxiety.  Aspiring to do a five-mile run three nights a week is great, until you can’t meet the goal and just feel guilty about it.  Socializing with a friend who calms you is beneficial, until the two glasses of wine you had at dinner destroy your REM cycle for the night.  The “difficult conversation” that you initiate with your partner to relieve your ruminations can backfire and become an all-night argument.  That video game streaming session with your sibling may relieve some stress, but it also floods your brain with blue light.  Trying to fit in these valued, aspirational activities can feel like a constant battle with your anxiety, where sleep becomes collateral damage.  

It isn’t necessary to give up all valued activities that reduce anxiety to prioritize sleep.  Sometimes, a few tweaks can do the job.  Limiting light exposure can be helpful, so abstaining from electronics two hours before bed may promote better sleep.  Calling your sibling to vent while you take the dog for a walk, instead of streaming on a gaming platform, might be more soothing.  Reducing physical and emotional strain can also be beneficial.  If you can, wake up earlier and do vigorous exercise in the morning or do shorter workouts earlier in the evening, when your nervous system has more time to calm down before bed.  Instead of initiating a difficult conversation at 9 p.m., ask your partner for a dedicated time where you can focus on what needs to be processed.  If something is weighing on you mentally, then journal about it until you can address it directly.  Limiting alcohol consumption can also promote better sleep, so meet your friend for dinner but order soda with lime instead of wine. 

The tension between managing anxiety and facilitating quality sleep is real, but some small, incremental changes can help without requiring a complete upending of your life or sacrifice of valued coping mechanisms.  Some of these changes may help.  Others may be futile.  It is a trial-and-error process, unfortunately, to find that magic balance between the activities that soothe us and bring comfort and the habits that promote good quality sleep.  Good luck and happy “dread time”.  

Written by: Deanna Diamond, LPC